Brief E-counter (c) Michael Hulme 2003 Forgive the impertinence. Wanted to leave you with a story before I disappear for a while... not my best, but I think it can offer a few wry smiles and a sense of the humdrum. See you all soon. ****** Brief e-counter (c)Michael Hulme 2003 She'd made the beds twice already, but Dora Jessop felt compelled to check nothing had disturbed the smooth arc of the duvet over freshly plumped pillows. She padded her way up the stairs, carpet cushioning her feet, and peeked around the door. A sigh of disappointment. The beds, like their maker, remained unmolested. The life of a housewife had begun to pall. What she'd give for a return to the days of wine and roses. Dora remembered the first tender buds of romance, when Richard had courted her so sweetly. They'd shared their first kiss nine years ago. She remembered his flushing face. Was that OK? Yes, Richard. It was paradise, she'd replied, melting like an ice-cube in a fridge. Now kiss my other hand. They'd shared their first moment of passion some two years later, when Richard stumbled home after discovering the intoxicating properties of whiskey. He was like an animal that night; he'd even asked her afterwards if she wanted to do it again . Who knows the trouble they might have got into if he hadn't spent the rest of the night throwing up? He never drank again. Perhaps it was for the best. She returned downstairs, anxious to see if an unheralded accident meant the kitchen floor needed to be reswept. The grandfather clock chimed three times. Dora straightened the net curtains in the dining room, conscious of January's imminent darkness. Unsurprisingly, the kitchen floor was still spotless. Still, only three hours until Richard would be home. She looked forward to his company, even though the poor lamb would be tired. Calling out Bingo numbers was hard work. Especially on Thursdays. That was OAP day. He had to repeat each number three times before they'd all heard him, and even then, one or two of the old dears were bound to have forgotten something; the number, or the rules, or their names. Dora tucked her hair behind her ears. Her 'winter warmer' of a lamb casserole was due for the oven soon. She only had a hundred or so pages of 'My Untamed Heart' left to read, but she'd save those for this evening, after Richard fell asleep in his armchair by the television. She toyed with watching a video, but 'Brief Encounter' was the only film she liked to watch on afternoons like these, and she could practically recite it anyway. Well, she could always check the beds again. There was always today's Cleethorpes Gazette to while away a few minutes on. She might know someone featured in the 'births, marriages and deaths' pages. Or she could use the computer. What was it Richard called it? Surfing the highway ? It looked like fun, especially that funny page he'd shown her with all those new recipes for lamb and kidneys. He did seem to spend a lot of time at the computer these days, and when he came to bed late at night, his palms seemed a little sweaty. It was good he'd found something other than bingo calling he could be passionate about. She pulled up an unsteady chair from the dining table and clicked her way through various menu pages. There certainly seemed to be a lot of lewdly-dressed women pictured on the screen. Well, it was no worse than the Sunday tabloids her father used to read. And there, in the middle of the screen, was a picture of a railway station waiting room; the period detail suggested it was from the 1940's. The flickering banner beneath it offered an enticing question. Want To Chat? Dora clicked the mouse button. Why not? A conversation might be nice. But what was she supposed to speak into? And what was this? She had to think of a _name_ to use on the site? She wasn't going to use her real name, that was for sure. She remembered Richard's warning. Putting your real name on the internet, Dora, is tantamount to handing the keys to our house to a group of homeless crack addicts . Well, there would be no catching out Dora Jessop. She glanced around the house for inspiration. There, face down, with uncreased spine, it lay. With trembling index fingers, she typed _Untamed Heart_, and clicked 'Enter'. A close-up image of the waiting room appeared, with a stretch of platform outside it. Beneath the picture, a stream of messages followed, with buttons labelled 'Private Booth?'. Beneath that was an empty space, and a button labelled 'send'. There, in red letters across the stream of messages, ***Untamed_Heart has entered the chat*** . Some of the other participants had some rather curious names, that was for sure. Dora's mother had always taught her not to judge on first impressions, but, even so, 'Hot_Nympho1976' didn't sound like the kind of person she'd care much for. 'MrBungle' sounded a little odd, too, and as for 'WetnWild007', well, why would you sit at your computer without towelling yourself off and calming down first? Dora shuffled in her chair and watched the screen while she pondered what to say to these people. WetnWild007: Need new batteries for mmy toy LOL MrBungle: ROFLMAO! WetnWild007: U know u want me Hot_Nympho1976: baby i'mready take m e now MrBungle: Untamed_Heart sounds hottt Hot_Nympho1976: hey babe wanna join 3some? LOL
))))) Dora tapped on the keys with hesitating fingers as she worded a polite introduction. Untamed_Heart: Hello. I'm new here. How are you all? MrBungle: Are you hottt? WetnWild007: Untamed_Heart LOL!!! Can I tame sumthin else of yrs? Hot_Nympho1976: Wht u wearing? This wasn't going quite the way Dora had envisaged. What on earth was Richard doing on sites like this? She kicked the box of tissues under the desk. It all seemed a bit - well - smutty. She replied once more: Untamed_Heart: A dress and some sensible shoes WetnWild007: Wanna slip the m off n get comftable? Hot_Nympho1976: ROFLMAO!!!
MrBungle: Whts ur fantasy? Tell me babe I can get u off Why would she need to be got off ? As far as Dora was aware, she wasn't facing legal prosecution. She was confused by the words she hadn't heard before. Roflmao was something she'd have to look up in the dictionary. To be honest, she wasn't having a very good time. Then, he arrived. ***Heathcliff has entered the chat*** WetnWild007: Heathcliff? Where's Kate Bush LOL!? Hot_Nympho1976: Kate's bush ROFLMAO MrBungle: LOLOLOL
)) Heathcliff: Good afternoon Hot_Nympho1976: A/S/L? Untamed_Heart: Hello, Heathcliff Hot_Nympho1976: I dated a Kate, real bitch MrBungle: Treat em like bitchzz they luv it ROFLMAO Heathcliff: Hello, Untamed_Heart. Pleased to meet you. Howare you? Hot_Nympho1976: I'm 21, F, California, hot Untamed_Heart: Very well, thank you Heathcliff. Heathcliff: I haven't been here before? Hot_Nympho1976: I'm ready and waiting Untamed_Heart: It's my first time too. MrBungle: LOL! BE gentl with her, cliffman Heathcliff: Honestly. This place is so smutty. Why don't you meet me in a private chat? Hot_Nympho1976: Hey, chat w me!! I'm soooo horrrrny can make u wnat me xxx WetnWild007: Stupid PC crashed, back now whad'imiss? Untamed_Heart: How do I do that? WetnWild007: Are they getting it on? Heathcliff: Click 'Private Booth' next to my name Dora felt her pulse start to pound and a vague nervousness extend from her stomach, making her hands and feet tingle. Should she? Was this infidelity? Richard didn't like her looking at other men, never mind talking to them. But then, was this really 'talking'? Who was to say that Heathcliff was a man? This was just fun. A silly bit of fun. She clicked on the button. A new screen opened, removing the previous one and its unwanted inhabitants. Hello, Untamed_Heart. Thank you for joining me. Thank you for asking. How are you, Heathcliff? Is that your real name? No. Are you really called Untamed Heart? Dora felt pangs of foolishness. No, of course not. Sorry. What a silly question. Don't worry. You can use my real name if you like. It's Alex. Alex is a nice name. She nearly slapped herself. What a lame thing to say. Say? Type. What a lame thing to type. Thank you. May I ask your name, Untamed_Heart? What should she do? Well, it didn't really matter much, did it? It's not as if this was an affair, for heaven's sake. It's Dora, Alex. What a pretty name, Dora. Delighted to meet you. *********** Warm spring sunshine flooded the dining room, falling upon the silver wedding band that sat on the sideboard. Dora no longer felt guilty about removing the ring. It was only for an hour or so each week, after all. In any case, Richard took his off to sleep and to bathe, so one hour a week was positively reasonable by comparison. With the warmth of the sun on her back, Dora navigated her way to the chat room. The internet was really quite easy to use. Easy enough for her to have established how Richard spent some of his late-night online time, anyway. And to think she thought 'Maggie's den,' 'two fat ladies' and 'two little ducks' was just bingo terminology. She shuddered. She really should think about talking to Richard about this. It was nearly three o'clock. Alex, her dashing doctor, would arrive any minute. Dora fluffed up her hair, and checked her lipstick in her pocket mirror. They were such handy inventions, both portable and practical. She pouted at the mirror, feeling like Marilyn Monroe, and awaited his arrival. Hello, Darling. She could hear his voice in her head every time. It was as if he were reading the words aloud to her. Though Cleethorpes and Felixstowe were so very many miles away, she felt so close to him when they sat typing words to each other. She spread her fingers across the keyboard. Hello, Alex. How have you been? Can't complain, you know. How is your mother? As well as can be expected. Typical Alex - always putting a brave face on things.
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